Egg freezing, 1 year on. A little over 1 year ago I was bed ridden yet again, not from Endo directly but the threat of infertility made me decide to freeze my eggs just in case. Once the very few eggs I managed to produce were removed from my body I felt strangely sad, like maybe they’d never be there again, in the worst physical pain I’ve ever felt and utterly shattered. Knowing that after all my body had been through from egg freezing, I’d likely need to do it again to secure a decent amount of eggs.. Was depressing. I felt so lucky for the opportunity to use incredible technology and had a family that could afford it, but devastated that at 23 this was my life. I should be renting a flat, not freezer space for unborn children!
For weeks I was so nauseous, fatigued and weak that I couldn’t walk up the street without feeling faint. (I was told prior to freezing my eggs that some women go shopping after their egg retrieval or IVF and have no troubles at all so PLEASE do not be put off by my experience – I have a history of extensive pain following surgical procedures around my reproductive organs where Endo is or has been but we are all unique and your experience may be completely different to mine!) I felt so frustrated that despite being a person who loved sport and thrived off exercise, I wasn’t up for it. Despite wanting to be a healthy person, I was constantly facing obstacles that prevented me from living a healthy, active life. Couldn’t work, couldn’t exercise, couldn’t stand up for long.
The photo at the top may seem a little or extremely shameless and/or vain but when I compare it to these ones I feel nothing but pride…
So looking at everything my body and my tummy has been through over the past year, I’m proud of its resilience to endure pain and surgeries and persevere and heal and mend after being sliced and cut and stitched and then expand and shrink and produce 7 perfect eggs that may be my future children then strengthen and crunch and make muscle. It’s hard to believe that my tummy allows me to do the things I ask her after all that she’s been through. But she does. When I look at all these photos I feel astounded at all the things I’ve been through. Did they all really happen to me? Did I do all that in a year? Then when I look back to that photo at the top (December 2015) I feel bloody proud of my body. All those awful things – and look at her now. Strong. Healthy. Not giving up. Ready for whatever.
Getting my health back and being in control of it has been the greatest gift out of so many in 2015. I wish the thousands of other women whose stories I’ve heard and anyone else dealing with chronic pain or illness could feel the same. Strength, energy and living without fear of pain taste so much sweeter when you’ve lost them all. I will never take my health from granted as long as I live. And lastly, Human bodies are amazing things! Particularly female ones 🙂
Syl x x