Ohhh the pain. Could this be the beginning of my first real period in years? Or is it just another false alarm. I’m thinking false alarm. Half way through driving from Bondi to Balmain this morning I was draped over the steering wheel doing my deep breathing, blasting the air con, looking like a tortured woman in labour mid-contraction. Not a safe way to drive.

Pain is up and down between a 2 and a 6 since last night – to me that’s sore but still manageable and nothing I can’t handle. I’ve been learning through the help of my pain psychologist (who you’ll see me refer to as my ‘life coach’ – she helps me to structure, plan and manage my life in order to manage chronic pain) that there are still things I can am able to achieve while at different levels of pain. For example, I can still keep up normal conversation, go out and about, train, do uni work if my pain is under a 5. After that, what I can do is limited but I will still be able to shoot off emails from the couch, do things that involve less concentration, swim, lay in the sun, blog and things like that when I’m at 6 or 7. Anything above an 8 is tricky but realising the kinds of things I can manage to do at each pain level has strengthened my willpower. I’ve proved to myself that I can still accomplish all kinds of things every day – both big and small – despite being in pain, whereas not long ago, my mind would surrender even to mild pain and I would be miserable on the couch indefinitely.

It is an absolutely gorgeous, sunny, hot Sunday and despite this pain (think I overdid it helping my gorgeous friend GG move house yesterday) I just pulled over at Leichhardt pool to load up on vitamin D and float in the water – this really helps to alleviate pressure when I’m in pain. Better to be here than wallowing on the couch inside ! Immersing myself in a cool body of water and lying in the sun is the best pain remedy for me. Nectar of the gods. (Unless walking isn’t an option then bed rest really is the only way)

Kid you not my mood has fluctuated between a 2 and a 10 up and down up and down nearly every day this week with a few flat out zeros. Rollercoaster is so cliche but… Rollercoasterrr!

Even as I type this, those contractions are subsiding. Cool swim was a fantastic idea. There’s a good chance this ‘period pain’ will not lead to a period as this always happens to me with Endo (loads of pain, no period) but we will see what happens next. I have to have 2 periods before I can go into my fertility clinic and start having all my tests before ovarian stimulation !