I don’t what I was thinking trying to G myself up to go out last night – I was in absolutely no fit state. Not even close. I was so tired and nauseous I could barely speak. I was like that all day but typical Syl, I seriously believed I’d simply snap out of it just in time. Regardless of what condition I’m in, I tend to have this vision of myself making a miraculous recovery where I look at the clock when it’s time to get ready (for going out, for uni assignment, for whatever it is) and leap out of bed still wearing my trackies and hoodie but suddenly feeling fantastic. Then I do a kind of ‘Genie in the bottle from Aladdin’ twirl which magically sprinkles on my makeup, poofs up and slicks back my hair, kits me out head to toe and sends me flying out the door in 2 seconds. It’s amazing. And delusional. Total denial.
Of course I wasn’t well enough to do anything but I only accepted that an hour after I was meant to be at the pub. (Again, I had no intentions to drink alcohol, only socialise.) Mum asked me to drive 2 minutes down the road to pick her up from the ferry and even that was a struggle. I was overwhelmed by nausea, heavily fatigued and actually couldn’t see properly while I was driving – as if there was a lag in my vision and everything was kind of doubled. Initially I thought this was just because I was tired and I just needed some fresh air but when I realised it was a little more serious than that, I drove very slowly with the windows down to prop my eyes open and then immediately horizontal on the couch with my third litre of water for the evening when we got home.
FYI those are all symptoms of high oestrogen levels in the body, so even though you’re feeling woozy and strange, it’s a very good indicator that hormones are being pumped through the body and follicles are developing – just like the common symptoms of pregnant women.
My mum keeps reminding me not to push myself because it’s no longer just about me but all my eggies as well – potential little lives. That’s why it’s so important to listen to your body and do what it tells you. I have a terrible habit of ignoring what my body wants and pushing it to do the things that I want. We are not afforded that luxury when we’re pregnant and nor are we when we’re growing and housing and incubating dozens of little eggs. I’m trying my best to remember that.
It’s terrible how we push our bodies to the limit because in our society, it’s almost a requirement. It’s so backward that f we don’t push and force, we feel like we’re letting ourselves or others down. But really, over-extending ourselves is unfair to our bodies and we only get one.
Today is a smokin’ hot sunny Sunday. This morning I went in early to Genea to receive my additional injection to add to the load – now 3 injections a day – Luveris. (I discussed this in yesterday’s blog post) My nurse warned me that this injection would be more painful than the others but I found it completely ok.
After the appointment, I decided to capitalise on feeling really (surprisingly) good so we had family outing down to Sydney Harbour to lap up the morning sunshine, Viva in Balmain for baked eggs, home for my remaining two injections (no pain, swollen belly or fatigue) gym, swim, Beach Road in Bondi for lemonades & hip hop then home to sweeeeeeeet sweet meditation and sleep.
Every day is so different it’s impossible to predict how you’ll be feeling from one day to the next throughout this process. I was expecting to feel sick and tired after the third injection and after having felt so off colour yesterday but surprisingly I felt so good! Today was a great day.