Watching the siege unfold last night didn’t feel like real life. The magnitude of what happened took a while to sink in and when it did I was surprised at how quickly I crumbled and felt almost guilty and self-indulgent for being so affected when this was not my tragedy. I shocked myself. Mum explained to me through my tears that some events can open the gateway to release all the emotions we’ve been bottling up. Continuing to watch the news on TV began to feel too sad, too overwhelming and too passive so as a family we went to the memorial at Martin Place. What an incredibly powerful experience.
It felt like a sacred ground where every type of person came together to grieve and show their support. Behind us in the mile long line of people waiting to put down flowers was a homeless looking man named John. He had cerebral palsy, he walked with difficulty with a cane and looked like he’d lived a hard life but even he came to pay his respects. He didn’t have any flowers so I gave him some from our huge bunch, then another woman did the same. It was a nice moment. A group of people began singing John Lennon’s Imagine while hundreds of us silently let our thoughts wander. The expanse of flowers is unbelievably moving. It was so sad being right there where it all happened but what an amazingly uniting experience on a gorgeous Sydney night. Still getting goosebumps thinking about that gorgeous sea of flowers at the makeshift memorial and the thousands of people standing together in humbled silence after the longest night – something positive and meaningful to come out of such senseless horror. Thinking of the victims and their families tonight x