Tomorrow, it begins
So, I got the call. The go-ahead call. While I was having a dip at the pool, (having a cool swim always calms me down and clears my noodle (brain) ) Genea called me to let me know my oestrogen, progesterone and FSH levels are all flat, (which is a good thing) meaning that I’m fertile and ready to start ovarian stimulation TOMORROW! Man, everything in life just seems to be moving so quickly and happening all at once. EndoActive skyrocketing out of nowhere, uni assignments, and now this… christ.
Again, weirdly, I wasn’t excited to hear this news. My mum and Dad on the other hand were thrilled. “How exciting! This is wonderful news!” The smiles in their voices my god, they went from ear to ear, cheering even. Of course I’m relieved to know that I’m ovulating and having a real period but am I EXCITED to inject myself with hormones every day for for the week or two and have to go into that clinic every couple of days for tests and ultrasounds before getting another medical procedure? No. Not even slightly. I know this was all my idea and an incredible oppurtunity but honestly I’m dreading it and really I’m just wondering if I’ve got enough tears in storage.
My stomach’s already in knots thinking about going in there again tomorrow. I’m not scared of needles or injections it’s just that PLACE and this PROCESS it just unravels me. Time for more sleep and guided meditation – my saviour at the moment. And Pepi – my beautiful, tiny as a kitten, loving pussycat – my baby – whose warm little furry body is curled up on my tummy squashed between the keyboard, comforting me while I type this and weep.
Night x