Egg freezing: 1 year on
December 2015
Egg freezing, 1 year on. A little over 1 year ago I was bed ridden yet again, not from Endo directly but the threat of infertility made me decide to freeze my eggs just in case. Once the very few eggs I managed to produce were removed from my body I felt strangely sad, like maybe they’d never be there again, in the worst physical pain I’ve ever felt and utterly shattered. Knowing that after all my body had been through from egg freezing, I’d likely need to do it again to secure a decent amount of eggs.. Was depressing. I felt so lucky for the opportunity to use incredible technology and had a family that could afford it, but devastated that at 23 this was my life. I should be renting a flat, not freezer space for unborn children!
For weeks I was so nauseous, fatigued and weak that I couldn’t walk up the street without feeling faint. (I was told prior to freezing my eggs that some women go shopping after their egg retrieval or IVF and have no troubles at all so PLEASE do not be put off by my experience – I have a history of extensive pain following surgical procedures around my reproductive organs where Endo is or has been but we are all unique and your experience may be completely different to mine!) I felt so frustrated that despite being a person who loved sport and thrived off exercise, I wasn’t up for it. Despite wanting to be a healthy person, I was constantly facing obstacles that prevented me from living a healthy, active life. Couldn’t work, couldn’t exercise, couldn’t stand up for long.
The photo at the top may seem a little or extremely shameless and/or vain but when I compare it to these ones I feel nothing but pride…
April 2014 – 2nd laparoscopy for Endo in 20 months. I had a shocking time recovering from this one
November 2014 – daily hormone injections and blood tests at Genea in preparation for my 1st round of egg freezing
November 2014 – In this photo I have over 50 follicles growing in my ovaries due to ovarian stimulation / hormone injections for egg freezing. That’s 50 potential humans! I looked pregnant and felt like I was about to pop.
November 2014 – Just before my egg retrieval surgery. I had no idea the pain I was about to be in when I woke up 🙁 But I managed to get 7 perfect eggs retrieved and frozen for me to use one day if I need to
November 2014 – Following hours of screaming down Genea and frightening the staff and patients after my egg retriaval, I was eventually wheeled out to Dad’s car so my parents could drive me home at 20ks an hour. I was in the worst pain I’ve felt. The staff at Genea were so patient and kind – they stayed open after closing hours to make sure I was ok.
October 2015 – thankfully had barely any of these days in the past year. This was a random endo flare-up I had right when all my final papers for uni were due at the end of last year. Luckily it wasn’t too bad but this used to be how I spent so many days and nights for such a long time.
So looking at everything my body and my tummy has been through over the past year, I’m proud of its resilience to endure pain and surgeries and persevere and heal and mend after being sliced and cut and stitched and then expand and shrink and produce 7 perfect eggs that may be my future children then strengthen and crunch and make muscle. It’s hard to believe that my tummy allows me to do the things I ask her after all that she’s been through. But she does. When I look at all these photos I feel astounded at all the things I’ve been through. Did they all really happen to me? Did I do all that in a year? Then when I look back to that photo at the top (December 2015) I feel bloody proud of my body. All those awful things – and look at her now. Strong. Healthy. Not giving up. Ready for whatever.
Getting my health back and being in control of it has been the greatest gift out of so many in 2015. I wish the thousands of other women whose stories I’ve heard and anyone else dealing with chronic pain or illness could feel the same. Strength, energy and living without fear of pain taste so much sweeter when you’ve lost them all. I will never take my health from granted as long as I live. And lastly, Human bodies are amazing things! Particularly female ones 🙂
Syl x x
January 17, 2016 @ 7:08 pm
You are an inspiration! I’ve been told to freeze my eggs. I’ve got tens years on you and just broke up with my long term partner. It scares the hell out of me but reading your post has given me the courage to book that appointment and find out more about the process. Thankyou.
January 17, 2016 @ 8:28 pm
Hi Emilie, so sorry to hear about you and your partner 🙁 It is scary – if you go back and read my blog from the very beginning you will see the rollercoaster of emotions I went through. I read it back and can’t even believe I went through all that! But I managed it and it was actually way more empowering than it was scary so I have every faith that if you go ahead with it, you will be so glad that you did. Definitely worth researching! Also due to popularity, prices have dropped since I last did it. Glad you found my blog 🙂 x x Syl
January 23, 2016 @ 2:54 pm
Hi Sylvia
I just had my egg retrieval on Tuesday and have been feeling all the things you described. In the past I have suffered from severe anxiety and I think it’s part of the issue. I feel tired/dizzy/detached from reality and unable to complete basic tasks. I also find loud noises terrible.It’s so frustrating as previous to this I was a high energy person. I went out today for the first time I made it half a mile up the road and felt really dizzy so had to sit down and regroup it wasn’t a fun experience.
Right now I am struggling to see a way out I am having my embryos frozen and tested so am getting a break from treatment (I managed to get 8 to fertilise so far)
How did you get over it?
January 31, 2016 @ 11:33 pm
Hey Laura,
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling with your recovery and that it’s taken me a little while to get back to you. How long has it been now since you had your retrieval?
I think something you need to keep in mind (which I always seem to disregard when it comes to my own health) is that your body has just been through a major ordeal and it needs time to heal and recover. That means you really need to be patient and don’t be so hard on yourself. It may take much longer that you expected/wanted… and believe me, I know how frustrating that can be. But when you stop and think about what your body has just been through and what it’s done for you, there’s no wonder why you’re feeling tired/exhausted/emotional. You have pumped yourself full of crazy amounts of very strong hormones in order to produce an unusually high number of eggs. Your body then grew 8 potential humans in your ovaries and then suddenly had them sucked out. THAT IS INSANE!!!! Don’t you think? Amazing… but insane. There are 1000 reasons why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling and while some women may have easy recoveries, that doesn’t mean we all will and there is no point comparing yourself to others. If you go back and read my egg freezing blog, I was still feeling weird 46 days after my egg retrieval and didn’t really bounce back to my old self for about 3 months.
My advice to you is to take it slow and remind yourself of what you’ve just been through.
Think of your body as a separate entity to yourself. We’re often very hard on ourselves. But would you be so hard on your friend? Your parent? A child? No way. You would be patient and gentle and kind. So I suggest you do the same for your body. She’s done a huge thing for you and you really owe it to her to treat her with respect and just take it easy.
How are you feeling now? xx Syl
January 29, 2016 @ 8:07 am
Hi there Syl…
Yesterday I was diagnosed with Endo, after struggling for YEARS with pain, and illness… I will be starting a 3 month course of Visanne, next week; to get prepped for my surgery.
In doing research on these meds, I came across your blog and have spent all morning reading it.
I’m turning 23 on Monday, and have never imagined my life to look like this at this age. I mean, ‘woe is me.’ I’ve decided that I can by NO means afford to be mopping around and feeling sorry for myself, but just LEARN what I can do to have the best quality of life, that I can.
My greatest concern with all of this is OBVIOUSLY the possibility of not having children… But I know the desires of my heart is to be a mama, and I know that God has that… But another MAJOR concern I have (and this is where I may need some help…) is weight gain… I know in the beginning of your journey you ruled out weight gain, from Visanne, and rather matched it to lifestyle… Is this still the case? – If I change my diet and commit to working out, should I be fine in that area?
I would so appreciate your feedback, and I am super thankful to have found a blog like this, to help me navigate this daunting journey.
Robyn-Ashley
January 31, 2016 @ 11:59 pm
Hey Robyn,
well first of all I really hope the Visanne works for you and helps to reduce your symptoms and shrink the Endo before your surgery. And I really hope your surgery is a success and that you have a speedy recovery. I’m so glad you found my blog! You can ask me anything, anytime and I will do my best to answer you.
In answer to your question about weight gain – I understand your concerns and totally get it. As you read, I definitely experienced what looked like ‘weight gain’ but was most likely a little weight gain and a lot of bloating and puffiness. I had been eating a lot of carbs and comfort food and I had basically not been exercising because I get extremely lazy and hungry in winter. I definitely put the change in my body down to those 2 factors. My body responds very quickly to changes which is both good and bad. If I’m eating crap and being lazy, it shows within a week or 2. If I’m exercising regularly and eating the right foods – I see the results fast.
My advice to you – Visanne or no Visanne – is that having a chronic health issue like Endo means that you really need to take great care of your body and lifestyle, exercise and nutrition will largely affect how you feel. I noticed major changes in my pain levels, energy levels, mood and general wellbeing when I changed the way I was eating. I cannot stress to you enough how important this is. You must not just eat ‘healthy’ but eat the right foods for your body and eliminate the ones that will aggravate the Endo. I could go on about that for a long time…
Exercising is another great way to keep your weight in check and improve your energy levels while minimising your pain (depending what the exercise is). Find what works for you. It does not have to be hours a day – walking 3 times a week is a great start. It will improve your mood as well.
Any hormonal medication such as Visanne can and likely will have side effects. Visanne has been great for me. It may or may not be great for you. But making the right changes to your nutrition and lifestyle is going to be key to you feeling better. Jump online and research anti-inflammatory foods and diet and start doing it. I cannot tell you how much it has helped me. Let me know how you go and best of luck xxxx Syl
February 9, 2016 @ 3:54 am
Thanks for your posts! I am so appreciative that someone is sharing their story. I’m seriously considering storing eggs as soon as possible (poor uni student here but! haha) as I’ve been told that my ovaries are very scarred. The hardest part for me isn’t the decision to do it, but the fact that at 20 I shouldn’t be worrying about my future might-be children. But information is power, so thank you!
February 10, 2016 @ 9:39 pm
Hey Liz,
totally understand! I have been there! Actually still continue to think that way sometimes… But better to know and be able to do something about it than not know and be shocked when you hit 40 and only then find out it’s too late to do anything about it. Knowledge IS power! xx Syl