First Fertility Appointment

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Today was a complete surprise.

Because all my symptoms have returned already, (just a couple of months after my last surgery for endo) I felt as though I needed to do something in order to feel like I have some ‘control’. It’s become clear that despite having a wonderful surgeon, I have a particularly aggressive form of Endo that grows back incredibly quickly. I’m concerned that even though my ovaries aren’t damaged now, they could be in bad condition by the time I’m ready to start having babies. I’m only 23 and as ridiculously excited as I am to have little babies of my own, I’m in no way ready. So, I asked my surgeon to  refer me to a fertility specialist just so I could find out a bit more about egg freezing.

From what I’d heard it costs a fortune and as Mum and I walked into my first appointment with Dr. A, neither of us really thought I’d be going ahead with it. We were both curious about the whole process but for me, I needed to feel like I had some control over my life, my future and my body. So even investigating some sort of insurance plan would give me that sense of control I’m missing.

After years of uncertainty and unpredictable, exruciating pain, confusion and a complete lack of undertsanding of ‘what the fuck is happening to me’, frightening fear and frustration, anxiety, unbearable heartbreak for the babies I ache for and some very deep, scary holes that I had real trouble dragging myself out of, I finally saw an oppurtunity for me to do something that I COULD control. (Kind of)

Obviously there are a milion things I can’t control with egg freezing (my reaction to the hormones, my overall health, how many eggs will be retrieved, wil I even produce any eggs? will the eggs be healthy? will the hormone injections aggravate the endo and make it worse? will I gain 20 kilos and turn into a PMS monster? will I even need those frozen eggs in 10-20 years ?)

But at least deciding to go ahead with something that MAY arm me with an insurance policy (despite not being a guarantee) makes me feel empowered. So much of my life has been taken out of my control – no job, living back home with mum and dad, no prospects of travel or saving, no idea how I’ll be feeling from one day to the next – that by freezing my eggs, successful or unsuccessful, at least I’m bloody well doing something to help out future Syl rather than just wallowing, wondering and waiting.

In summary, we walked out of our ‘information appointment’ ready to rock n roll ahead with this thing. This was unexpected but I think we both felt a sense of urgency and that now is a pretty good time as I don’t have much else going on. Dr. A made a point of saying that on a personal note if it were her daughter, she would be suggesting egg freezing now too. I could tell that mum trusted her in saying that and this made a lasting impression on both of us.

When we got home, Mum, Dad and I had a discussion over dinner weighing out the pros and cons of going ahead with egg freezing. Here they are:

Pros !

  • Future Syl may need eggs for IVF

  • A sense of empowerment that I am being proactive and trying to do something to help myself

  • I’m not wokring, part-time at uni and living at home rent-free so this would be a great time

  • As I’m less than a year out of my last surgery for endo, medicare will cover the vast majority of the cost of this procedure. Rather than paying $12,000 we would pay around $2000

  • Now is a reasonably good time to have the procedure done as the endo hasn’t had too much time to grow back (last surgery was April 24th 2014) and it’s nt ideal to be retrieving eggs from diseased ovaries

  • I’m at my most fertile right now and my eggs ain’t gettin’ any younger or healthier

  • I have no commitments (aside from uni) so I can take my time with recovery and be kind to myself during the process while living at home in a loving, supportive environment

  • I have my amazing mumma with me every step of the way and I want to take advantage of her while she’s all mine !

Cons

  • As endo is triggered by hormones and oestrogen, the actual process of hormone injections to stimulate egg production may trigger the endo to grow back even more aggressively – thus making me more sick

  • Potentially more growth of the disease and further damage to organs. BAD. but this may happen over the years regardless which could leave me with dodgy eggs and crap ovaries anyway… (hence why I’m looking into egg freezing now)

  • Nasty side effects from hormone injections – these could interfere with my life in general and just be really CRAP but would all be worth it if everything went well

  • Weight gain – nobody wants to pack on the kilos but really this is a superficial, tiny con because if it means I have a successful egg retrieval and future syl gets to have precious babies then I could not give a FUCK

8 pros vs. 4 cons

Looks like we’ve got a lot of reading to do and egg freezing is something I will be going ahead with. PHEW